The sane and insane
by guessmename
Summary: "The grass below you moves from the breeze that seems to keep the warmth out the air. The sky above you is blue and the sun is shining brightly. The girl next to you has her eyes closed and she looks like she is sleeping. You think she is just perfect so you continue to watch her. You don't want to seem creepy but she is just so perfect in your eyes." Emaira one-shot


**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING.**

* * *

_The grass below you moves from the breeze that seems to keep the warmth out the air. The sky above you is blue and the sun is shining brightly. The girl next to you has her eyes closed and she looks like she is sleeping. You think she is just perfect so you continue to watch her. You don't want to seem creepy but she is just so perfect in your eyes. _

_That's when everything seems to come crashing down. The girl next to you is suddenly awake and screaming bloody murder, grey clouds quickly cover the sky, the wind comes to a standstill and everything just stops moving. The only thing that is moving or making a sound is currently the screaming girl. The girl you had come to love and you couldn't do anything about it. Nothing you say or do to her calms her down the slightest and you feeling helpless._

_Lost._

_Your rubbing her back telling her everything is okay but she isn't listening to you. Her face looks to yours and her eyes glimmer red. A sick smile creeps onto her face and suddenly she's laughing, calling you stupid. The scenery around you changes and there are birds around you. They sound like they're screaming. They're petrified. _

_You look around the forest your now in. You can't see 10 metres in front of you because it's dark. You hear a laugh coming from behind you and you force your body to turn around and face the attacker. You know who it is even though all you can see is the piercing red eyes staring straight into your own. _

_That's when a bang is heard and you're screaming._

* * *

You bolt upright in the bed you were lying in and your breathing is rapid. Sweat is dripping down you face but you focus on getting you breathing back to its normal pace. You groan at the grogginess that is slowly taking control of your body again. This is the same dream you had been having for weeks now and you don't think you've been fully alert ever since.

Turning your head you see that there still isn't a sun peering into your curtains. You also know that there is no way you're going to be able to sleep peacefully for the rest of the night, no matter how groggy and tired.

The tangled up blanket is pushed off you and you slide off your bed. You know you're only going to sit somewhere else but you didn't want to go back into another dream. The way the eyes seemed to stare right into your soul scared you but you still fell head over heels for that girl. Your still unsure why but you did and nothing that happens now is going to change that. You know she may need fixing but that's okay.

_She's going to be fine._

She's going to regain control but you don't care, your glad you took the fall for her. As soon as she saw you being taken away her eyes were filled with tears and even though people were dragging you away the sun seemed to light up that girl with a glow. She's still perfect no matter how many hits you need to take for her. You know she doesn't want you getting in the way but you insist and she finally complies.

As you continue on the thoughts that seem to come and pass your brain you notice the sun slowly come to add a certain light into your room. The light bounces off the metal in the room creating a small glare but you don't mind. To you, it adds a certain characteristic that you cannot describe. It reminds you of here and you love it. She's the reason you're not going insane. Even though she may not be stable you know she meant every word she said.

_But if she didn't?_

That's the thought that echoes throughout you mind because you're not sure what you are going to do then. Maybe then you can forget about her. Maybe then you can let your body just slip into insanity. Maybe then your heart will be crushed and destroyed but that wouldn't matter because at least you would know the truth. At least she wouldn't be lying to you any longer.

A woman comes into your room and says you have visitors so you nod your head and begin to walk out of your room. You haven't really talked to anyone in a while because there was this certain fear that lingered in their eyes when they tried to talk to you. Nothing you said or did though changed that so you keep your distance and they keep theirs.

The brunette however is a different story. In her eyes there wasn't any emotion. She played along though not to get caught out. Your glad she did that because you honestly would of slapped her if she gave away everything after what you did for her. Then you probably would have laughed and kissed her while she sat there shocked at everything that would be happening.

You make your way to the seat you sit in every time you have visitors. The blonde and brunette are sitting facing you but you notice that the fear behind their eyes is gone. You can't seem to pick up on any emotion in either of them no matter how much you try and look into their eyes. You notice the lack of a certain brunette and you want to know why she isn't here. She's the one that normally convinces you other friends to come.

"She's at home, sick." Spencer states answering the unasked question.

You don't respond. Instead, you nod your head at her and she takes that as a respectable answer. That isn't normally like her to get sick. She was normally up and around no matter what. Whether she was about to pass out or vomiting she was always there doing things. You don't think much of it though.

You did pick up on the exhaustion that had laced in the sentence that Spencer had said. You're not sure if it is because she knows that you're not the same or the fact a member of you friends is sick. Either way though the other half of Sparia and Hannily were both gone for now. You silently laugh at those nicknames because you're not even sure when you started using them.

"So how are you doing?" Hannah asks, nervousness being noticeable from a mile away.

To be honestly you are unsure what you're really feeling. Your angry because you had been caught, disgusted by the way this place is run and the people in it, scared because you're unsure if the person you love is actually alright, happy because this place is quite peaceful when you're by yourself, sad because even though your friends now know you didn't do what people said you did they're still nervous around you and surprised at the fact that your friends are actually here, today of all days.

"I guess I'm alright." You answer with your voice a little raspy "This place becomes numb after a while."

They offer a smile at you and you notice that they're genuine. They're not forced like every other time they've been her. They're real and that's the best feeling for you at the moment because, yes, you took the fall full well knowing the risk but these guys are still your friends and you don't want them running from you.

"We now know it wasn't you that did that." Hannah points out and you resist the urge to face palm about how blatantly obvious she is being about this.

"I know." Is all you say in return because you didn't want to say anything else.

The simple fact that they actually thought you were capable of that hurt because they are your people you were meant to trust with everything you had. You were meant to trust them with all you secrets, all the things that were eating you alive and they were meant to trust you back. They were meant to believe you no matter what. They were the people that were meant to give you a chance to explain how it happened. So, yes, it did sting when they turned their backs to you and left you on the sidewalk for some time.

After that they know that there's no use in trying to start up another conversation with you as your now lost in your bitterness. You know that the anger and disappointment is clear on you face but they should be lucky that you don't tear them apart bit by bit. They say their goodbyes and you slowly walk back to your room letting the same woman that had seen you earlier blindly guide you there.

The door closes behind you and you hear the click of the lock go on your door. You know that there is no walking outside of you room for the rest of the day now. You have a pack of cards that always sit on your desk ready for use. You take them out of the cardboard box that they were occupying and start shuffling them. You're not quite sure why you continue to shuffle them but you do.

They rest of the day is spent by you playing random card games and people coming in and out of your room to do various things but you pay no attention if they tried to talk to you. You didn't want to be interrupted because your mind state is calm, and that's something you didn't want to try and break.

The medication they give you here doesn't do anything to you because you know you're perfectly healthy, you know you're okay. Everybody thinks that you're getting better thanks to everything they do but it's all lies. They're just lies that they feed to the public to keep this place up and running by a thread.

The sun slowly starts to sit in the distance and you find yourself hypnotised to it like every other day. You don't look straight at it though. Instead you choose to look at the way it reflects light throughout the room reminding you of her like it did that morning. You know that you look insane now but you're fine.

_You're perfectly healthy._

At least, that's what you keep telling yourself in order to sleep at night. You know that it was insane to help her though. You know you should have said something when you found out it was her but you didn't. You should have told Spencer and Hannah because this information would have saved the trouble of Alison going missing. The answer could have been the reason that Alison comes back.

You know somewhere deep within you mind that it wouldn't of mattered though. Even if you told them they would of thought that you were insane. They would have yelled at you for thinking so stupidly.

_You also would have never told them because you in love._

This girl has your heart in a death grip and isn't going to let it go any time soon. This isn't just a small crush that you're going to get over anytime soon. No, this is the feeling of not being able to live with them out of your life. You need them next to you because they're part of the reason you breathe. Without them you wouldn't exists.

Somebody comes into your room and they tell you to get some sleep. You comply and put the cards that you had been mindlessly shuffling while watching the sun disappear away. You slowly move your body to your bed and lie down. You know that even if you do get sleep it won't be much. Nothing you do will change that so you close your eyes and let unconsciousness take over you.

* * *

_Silence._

_Utter silence is surrounding you and her. The infamous black hoodie currently being worn by her, hood down. You can't move. Your body is stuck to the ground you're standing on. Nothing in your body had feeling anymore and the blood in your face is completely gone. This isn't how it was supposed to go. This isn't how it's meant to go down. _

_She's staring back at you with a look in her eye. A look between smugness and apologetic. You're not sure which one to believe. Nothing in your mind is working at the moment anyway so why believe this? Can't this just be another nightmare? Can't this be another trick that your mind is playing with you?_

_You realise that none of that is right when she utters one sentence._

_"__I'm sorry."_

_That's all she says and you know that everything is real. There's no need to slap yourself to check because you can hear just how desperate she sounds. You can tell just how sorry she is. You're not replying though and the look on her face is desperate now. All she wants from you is a simple answer, even if it's just words mumbled out your mouth. You need to speak._

_"__Why?"_

_You finally that ask because that's the only question that's running through you mind. You know that it would probably be easier to start off with something else but why just seemed like the only words that you would be able to speak, anything else wouldn't of come out. Words seem so hard to pronounce._

_"__I-I-I'm n-not e-e-exactly s-s-s-sure."_

_She's stuttering now. You can feel your anger bubble up inside of you now because she doesn't give you a proper answer. How could she be so stupid not to have an answer to that? How couldn't you be sure why you do all this? You know that she would have an answer though because if she doesn't then she's insane. _

_This is the girl that your heart belongs to though. This is everything that you are. The black hoodie, the black pants, black shoes and black gloves are the ones you see. This is what you feel in love with and even in these circumstances she's still perfect and you don't want her to be. You want to be able to run away and tell your friends. You want to be able to resist the words that are threatening to come out of your mouth. You would just be happy to walk away from this all and forget about it but you can't. You're stuck here in the trouble you've caused and you know that the next words to come out of your mouth will be the ones that will put you into a new point of view on the story._

_"__Let me help you."_

_The brunette in front of you is now smirking. She walks up to you and hugs you tight. She keeps saying thank you to you and now you smirking because you haven't lost the person you love the most, you haven't lost your reason to breathe and that's all that matters at the moment._

* * *

Your eyes snap open and you slowly familiarize yourself with the mental institution that surrounds you. This is the first time in a long time that you've had a different dream and you don't understand what to make of that. Should you be scared? Should you be relieved? Pushing all that aside for now you focus on the fact that you've woken up later today. It's already bright outside.

You push yourself out of the bed and eat the food that they had put in your room while you were still sleeping. You never exactly sure what it is but you find yourself mindlessly eating it anyway. You watch the movements that go on outside of you window and all you really see is people coming and going while some cars drive past. Nothing interests you.

Somebody walks into you room asking if you okay and you nod your head yes. She then proceeds to tell you a visitor will be coming into your room and walks out the door. You listen to hear whether or not a do lock the door but it turns out they don't as you're stilling listening for it 10 seconds later.

Another minute passes before the door is open again. The same lady is holding the door in and you find you breathe being stuck in your throat as you realise just who it is. The door is shut again when the brunette is all the way into the room and you're not sure who moved first but your suddenly hugging her as if your life depends on it.

You pull away from her and she smiles at you. The smile is a soft and genuine one and that's perfect to you. She then proceeds to move to a sitting position on the bed but never takes her eyes off you.

"Your back."

You know that it's the most stupid thing to blurt out but it's the only words you manage to blurt out. You feel like you want to slam you face on desk for it but you watch as a soft laugh erupts from the other girl causing you to smile. She always laughed at what you said. You missed that.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

You can't really respond to that question because your honestly not sure why now. You not sure why you had so many doubts because if it was true that she didn't care for you then she wouldn't have returned the first time. She would of just left you in here left in your own insanity.

"Come with me."

She's commanding you and in that instant you automatically stand up because you've learnt to obey her. You've learnt that she always has a reason and planning behind everything so she could tell you to jump off a cliff and you would instantly do it. No questions would be asked because she would have an explanation to why she asked you to do it.

The girl in front of you takes you out of your room and your completely unsure of where you're going but you don't really care. As long as you have her your world is perfectly fine. Nothing could possibly disturb your peace at the moment.

The next time you really pay attention to the sounds and sights around you is when you outside. You outside and you both now jogging away from the building. You would worry about the punishment that you will receive for this later because right now you're out of that place. You're away from all the screaming and routines.

People look at you and you know it's because you look like you belong in the mental institution. You're not dressed the best but you really couldn't care so you ignore the stares the pierce through the back of your head. You ignore any whispers that surround you. You just ignore the world.

You're now in a park and your just enjoying the view while the girl next to you is lying down. The world right now just seems brand new as though you've never seen it. Everything is so vibrant right now and you don't want to disturb that. You don't want to move. Nothing could compare to the moment now.

"Thank you."

That's what your blurt out randomly and to you that one statement says everything your trying to convey but you know that to the girl who is now looking at you questioningly it isn't enough. You need to do something more to show her. But what?

"For what?"

You knew she would ask that question and you smile at her. For some reason though you suddenly find your lips on hers. Your putting as much passion as you can muster into it. It sounds so cheesy like that but in this moment right here it just seemed to fit perfectly in your head.

You pull away, finally.

"Everything."

That's the truth of it though and you could write a list of what the thank her for. You could write a list that would go on forever but you simple say everything. She knows what you mean anyway and she's smirking at you. She seems to be in a bit of a daze as though she wasn't expecting you to do that.

You both lay there wrapped in each other's comfort for how long? You're not so sure but that doesn't matter to you. The world you are in then and there is all that matters to you. You talk about random things and she catches you up on everything that she has been doing. The sun just seems to slowly make its way across the sky as if trying to by as much time as possible for you two. The birds in the tress sing a loving melody even though they're just loud noises. You don't even pay attention to the cars that dive past because you are at peace listening to the nature around you.

In the end you pull away from each other and the brunette leads you back into your room. Your peaceful mind is now gone and you just go back to having a neutral expression on your face. Your back to the screaming, small rooms and the same routine day in and day out. Nothing is as good as sitting outside doing nothing but staying with her.

You're lucky that nobody had actually come into your room while you were out and if they did they rather didn't care that you were out of your room or didn't notice at all. You're glad about it but at the same time it just shows you how much attention they actually pay around here.

The brunette is about to leave the room put as she is just about to exit the room she pulls you back into a kiss. It's not long and it doesn't really imply anything other than simple saying "I love you" but you don't really care about that. All you care about is the fact that her lips are currently on yours. As she pull away reluctantly she smiles at you before walking back out the door and closing it.

You go to bed tonight better then you have before but you don't want to sleep. You don't want to sleep through another nightmare and wake up to feel as if the day you just had didn't happen. You don't want to forget today but you know you will so with your turmoil giving you a headache you close your eyes and hope that you don't forget.

* * *

_The grass below you moves from the breeze that seems to keep the warmth out the air. The sky above you is blue and the sun is shining brightly. The girl next to you has her eyes closed and she looks like she is sleeping. You think she is just perfect so you continue to watch her. You don't want to seem creepy but she is just so perfect in your eyes. _

_This time though nothing happens. You don't hear the sound of a blood murder scream, you don't have to try and comfort her, you don't have her eyes glimmer red, you don't have the scenery change and you don't have the sound of a gun echo through the woods._

_"__I love you, Em." _

_It's stupid to blurt it out now but you don't care. Even though you can feel that this is a dream it's still perfect. Emily opens her eyes and looks straight at you smiling. She brings her lips onto your and you only both pull away when the need for air becomes too much. She pulls you into your arms and just holds you. _

_"__I love you too, Ar."_

* * *

Little did you know though that you mumble what you say in your sleep and that Emily is sitting in the corner of you room at Radley in her black hoodie and gloves. She's just watching over you as she does most nights, making sure that you're going to be okay because after all she does love you but she's just been too afraid of watching you get hurt to admit it. She knows what she is and so she mumbles the words you dying to hear that night, hoping you heard them.

* * *

She may be insane and you may not be but who cares?  
She loves you and you love her.  
You're going to be willing to do the same thing again.  
You just want to help her after all.

_Because you're Emaria and you mean the world to each other and that's something that no one will take away._


End file.
